It never woulda worked out anyway
by Fayth3
Summary: Songfic. MA. Alec has been 'screening' Max's dates. Why?


A/N- took a brief hiatus from PO/SF when this plot- bunny bit me this morning. Meaningless fluff—enjoy.

Song It never woulda worked out anyway is courtesy of Brad Paisley. Cheers y'all!

* * *

Never woulda worked out anyway.

Alec winced as the heavy steel door crashed open and Max stormed into the bar like a dervish and slammed her feet down the stairs.

Crash wasn't exactly bustling tonight and the sight of the enraged transgenic made more than one person hot-foot it to the exit.

Her eyes scanned the bar as if she was looking for someone and Alec had a sneaking suspicion that she was out for blood—his. He tried to duck under the table but O.C. had already stood up and gestured to Max. Her eyes hardened and the crowds parted as she stormed over murder in her eyes.

He glanced around for help but even Sketchy had gotten up and scrambled away from Hurricane Max.

"Fairweather friend," Alec hissed as O.C. also exited quickly.

"I ain't no fool," she explained as she dashed away.

Alec slammed back his whisky and held a grimace as Max finally reached the table.

"Hey, Max!" he tried for joviality. "How's it going?"

"Funny you should ask!" she snapped. "Doug just called off my date."

Alec tried to hide his grin, "Really?"

Her eyes narrowed, "Yes. Not before he let slip that he had been talking to you."

"Ah."

"Ah?" her voice was high pitched, "Ah? That's all you have to say?"

_Oh lighten up, where's your sense of humor  
They're just tiny little rumors  
That I started 'cause I'm lookin' out for you  
Oh settle down, I'm just a little jealous  
And I'm sure those other fellas  
Never once believed the lies I told were true _

Since Max had broken up with Logan for good she had been great; a lot of fun to be with and a real fire-cracker. Of course that meant that men flocked to her to ask for dates.

Somehow that didn't sit quite right with Alec so he had taken the initiative to do a little screening.

After all it wasn't like any of her real brothers were around to watch out for her.

"Care to tell me why Doug thought it was disgraceful that a mother of seven…SEVEN… doubled as a stripper?"

Alec's grin was starting to come through, "Uh… well, Max, it is disgraceful."

"It would be if he didn't mean ME!" she screeched and he winced as she pierced his eardrums.

"Geez, Max, lighten up. Where's your sense of humour?"

She glared, "I lost it when Marco decided that he couldn't date a certified nun!"

"Maxie, come on I was just looking out for you."

"I don't need you looking out for me! I am perfectly capable of screening my own dates."

_Maybe_, he thought, _but his way was much more fun._

"Well both Doug and Marco were losers and too straight-laced for you. It never woulda worked out anyway and if they were so easily put off then they weren't for you."

"Easy?"

_Oops_, Alec winced.

"Let me remind you, Alec, about Buddy and Chris."

_  
Like the time I told that cowboy that you used to be a man  
And the doctor you were datin' that you hide your wedding band  
Even if I am responsible for scaring them away  
You really ought to thank me, I was doin' you a favor  
'Cause it never woulda worked out anyway _

"Uh, Buddy was a whisky drinking cowboy who would have made you miserable." Alec pushed his glass behind him.

"You told him I used to be a man which was why I was so strong!"

"I thought he'd like that; all that help on the ranch."

"And I suppose Chris needed to be told that I was married?"

"I meant metaphorically…. To your work. And he was obviously commitment phobic. It never woulda worked out anyway."

"I'm going to kill you!"

Alec sprang out of his chair and slid around the opposite side of the table,

"C'mon, Maxie!"

_Oh can't you see, the reason that I'm doin'  
All the crazy things I'm doin'  
Is because I really care about you girl  
And I'll admit I go a little farther  
Than I know I probably oughta  
But it's all because I need you in my world  
_

Max edged to his left and he slipped to the right trying to escape her.

"I'm serious," she said, "you are crazy!"

She made a grab and almost snatched his coat. Alec was getting wary as she almost got him. "It's all in good taste," he pleaded.

She stopped, stunned. "Taste? Like Eric who now believes that I spent a year in jail for assault?"

That was one of his better ones.

"So?"

"He was a lawyer!" she all but screamed.

"Not a good one," he hedged.

"Alec!"

He held out his hands before she could attack. "Okay, okay, maybe I go too far."

She put her hands on her hips and looked menacingly at him. "Like telling Kirk that I hang around cheap motels?"

Alec coughed, "Lighten up, Max. It was a tiny rumour and I bet he didn't believe me anyway. He was just…"

"Yes?"

Alec winced, "A bad salesman?"

_Like the time I told that lawyer that you spent a year in jail  
And the salesman you were seein' you hang out at cheap motels  
Even if I am responsible for scaring them away  
You really ought to thank me, I was doin' you a favor  
'Cause it never woulda worked out anyway  
_

"Why?" she slumped to her chair. "Why the hell did I get landed with

you? I'm not a bad person. I don't deserve this."

"Hey, I was doing you a favour?"

She eyed him, "A favour?"

He nodded enthusiastically, "Uh, huh."

"Explain."

"I was saving you the tedious weeks of bad dates, sloppy kisses, terrible sex and halting conversations with people who weren't even remotely compatible to you and then inevitable heartache of breaking up with them because it wouldn't have worked out."

She seemed amused, "All of them?"

"All of them, they weren't for you, Max."

_  
I can't stand the thought of you with anybody else  
I know I've gone overboard but I can't help myself  
_

"So Doug was just another loser who needed to be told that I had seven children and I worked as a stripper?"

Alec nodded sagely, "I knew you'd see it my way."

_  
Like the time I told that dentist you had seven little kids  
And you doubled as a dancer at the strip joint on the ridge  
Even if I am responsible for scaring him away  
You really ought to thank me, I was doin' you a favor  
'Cause it never woulda worked out anyway  
_

"He was a bit like Logan wasn't he?" she capitulated and then brightened.

"Well Larry—"

"Will suddenly find out that you had a career as a porn star."

"Alec!" she leaped from her chair causing him to hide again.

He squeaked as she advanced, "It'll never work out anyway!"

"Why? He's smart and successful and has nice hair. Why is it doomed to failure?"

"Because… because… he doesn't love you like I do."

Her mouth dropped open, "Say what now?"

Alec sighed and put the chair down, scratching the back of his head. "The reason that I do the crazy things I'm doing is because I care about you. I can't stand to see you with anyone else. I 'm jealous, Maxie, when they get to touch you and I can't," he sighed. "I know that I probably go a little further than I should but I don't wanna live without you being mine."

Max blinked, "You love me? The reason that you frighten other guys away is because you love me?"

Alec grinned, "And because it never woulda worked out anyway."

Max bit her lip and edged closer, "Would _we_ work out?"

"100 guaranteed," he grabbed her leather jacket and pulled her closer.

"Saw it in the stars did ya?" she asked sarcastically before leaning up on tiptoes.

"Nah, it just makes sense," he smiled and pulled her up for a kiss.

_  
It's all because I love you and I can't stop thinkin' of you  
_

_And it never woulda worked out anyway_

_The end._


End file.
